I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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