my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
