I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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