I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
