it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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