You're my little dorito
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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