A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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