the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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