if only i could text you this smell
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
