i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
