Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
