So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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