He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
