In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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