Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
