i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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