I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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