my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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