Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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