Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
