tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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