Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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