I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
