Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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