Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
