I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
