Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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