So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
