I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
