I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
