woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
