Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
