Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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