it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
