So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
