How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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