I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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