I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
