My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
