i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
