I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
