And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
