Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
