Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
