My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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