...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
