thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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