how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
false alarm, still single
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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