He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
