so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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