Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
