Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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