We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
