Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
