WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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