you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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