At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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