shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
