She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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