i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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