I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
