I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
