The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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