But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
